


Sick Of Losing Soulmates

by i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics



Series: The Not Multi Chapter Fic Shrine [48]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Based on a dodie Song, Break Up, Fights, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics/pseuds/i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics
Summary: There are people who can get you through the toughest times of your life. But all good things must come to an end.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Series: The Not Multi Chapter Fic Shrine [48]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589902
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Sick Of Losing Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this: https://youtu.be/b8zfHhXfkfM Dodie song

_What a strange being you are._

Evan remembered how Connor was the one kid who didn't have any friends and everyone assumed that he preferred it that way. He didn't though. But as Even grew closer to Connor he noticed all of his weird ticks and fidgets.

Like how he would start pulling the fuzz out of his hoodie pockets when he was nervous. And how he rested his elbows awkwardly and pulled his hair when he was focusing.

_God knows where I would be if you hadn't found me sitting all alone in the dark._

That wasn't entirely true. Connor knew exactly where he'd be if Evan hadn't found him that day.

He'd be dead. He would have killed himself. At that time he thought there was nothing. No reason for him to stick around.

_A dumb screenshot of youth. Watch how a cold broken teen will desperately lean on a superglued human of truth._

It was true. They found each other at one of the lowest points of their lives. At the time the other was the only reason they had to live. Loneliness does that to you.

_What the hell would I be without you?_

They both knew the answer. A mess. This is what happens when two suicidal teenage messes find each other and end up relying on one another.

_Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth._

If Evan had a dollar for every time Connor said he was ok and that he didn't need to talk about something and wasn't he'd be rich.

_Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates. So where do we begin? I can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win? Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates. Won't be alone again. I can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win?_

It was comforting to know that there was someone who was just as fucked up as you were in the same ways you were. It allowed for an outlet and helped them feel like the other wasn't staying out of pitty.

_We will grow old as friends._

Evan and Connor stuck by each other's side through the rest of their senior year, throughout college and beyond. Their relationship going beyond the realm of friends and into something more.

_I've promised that before, so what's one more in our gray-haired circle, waiting for the end?_

"Evan I swear to you. I will never leave you. We'll just like, I dunno, grow old together or something." Connor ran his hand through his hair as he let out the thought.

Evan had a panic attack. He was worrying about Connor leaving him.

"You promise?" Evan quirked his head to the side and offered a half-smile.

"I promise." The space between them was closed in a swift movement.

_Time and hearts will wear us thin._

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME CARE ABOUT YOU GODDAMN IT!!" 

This was the first time they'd ever fought like this. It was probably the first time Evan had yelled at Connor. It was the first time Connor had yelled at Evan since they began to get to know one another. 

"WELL, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE??"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU CONNOR!" 

_So which path will you take? Cause we both know a brake does exactly what it says on the tin._

Evan's voice broke and suddenly all the anger melted away. 

"I love you so goddamn much. I love you more than I love myself. I love you more than life. I hate it when you think so poorly of yourself." Evan wrapped his arms around himself and tried to make himself as small as possible. 

Connor hadn't seen him like this since high school. It hurt him to know that he was the cause of this.

"Evan, honey, I'm so sorry, I- I- don't-" Connor tried to apologies but he couldn't figure out how to. For Evan, it was enough though. He walked over and Connor hugged him for a while. The simple action explaining more than words ever could.

_What the hell would I be without you?_

Connor knew that without Evan he'd probably be completely disowned and have literally no one. Evan had come in at just the right time to help him through his issues. The same thing when Connor had come into Evan's life They really balanced each other out.

_Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth._

Connor tried to be brave for Evan. He really did. He tried to be better. He tried so hard. But sometimes his thoughts and emotions got the better of him.

"Connor, how did you break your arm?" Evan asked after signing the cast.

"I was leaning too far out over the balcony and fell." 

Connor was never a good actor. They both knew he was lying but the matter wasn't pushed. It was almost like Evan knew but asked to prove his assumptions.

_Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates. So where do we begin? I can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win? Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates. Won't be alone again. I can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win?_

They both knew they were fucked up. There was no way around it. They were. But they had shown each other that they weren't as fucked up as they thought they were.

_I won't take no for an answer._

"I'm taking you to a therapist Connor."

_I won't take no for an answer._

"We're gonna have a fun time and talk to some people that aren't in our friend group. I promise they won't bite."

_I won't take no._

"Do you wanna maybe, I dunno, umm... like, I mean, like, go out for coffee sometime?"

"I dunno. Depends on if you're willing to pick me up at 7."

Connor had decided that Evan being confident was hot.

_No, I won't take no._

"You're gonna have to coexist with Jared for one night Con."

_Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates. So where do we begin?_

The fights had gotten more frequent and much worse. The time they'd spent together was now more fighting than actually loving each other.

_I can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win?_

The thing was, Evan was coming to realize that Connor was just as fucked up as Evan had thought he himself was.

_Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates. Won't be alone again._

"Connor, you've gotten me through some tough shit man. But, I think we should break up. This isn't working out. We're fighting 10 times more than we ever used to. And we're not happy."

Connor chuckled dryly. "You were always right about everything. This time I really wish you weren't." He thought for a moment. "So I guess this is goodbye then?"

Evan looked away. "I guess it is. Goodbye Connor."

_I can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win?_

The simple answer? They don't.


End file.
